(c) iStockPhoto/iqoncept

I used to absolutely HATE networking. I would avoid it like the plague. But back in 2004 I changed my mind about networking. I changed the way I thought about networking so it changed the way I behaved when I decided to go to an event. I was working exclusively at home at the time.

I decided to figure out what about networking I didn’t like. I hated the small talk. The attempt to talk to a large amount of people and get a bunch of business cards. 90% of whom I never reached out to after the event. Pointless right? The whole reason to go to a networking event is to MEET people. So why wasn’t I following up? Or meeting people with whom I had any chemistry?

Well for starters I wasn’t honoring the fact that I’m an introvert and I was attending too many events. Which guaranteed I’d fail. Why? Well I was brain dead by the time I got to my third event of the week. Who can focus much less carry on a conversation when just being in the room is driving you nuts because you need some quiet.

I started to be more picky about which events I attended. I also gave myself permission to leave early if I felt like it. Why force myself to stay when I’m not enjoying myself? I’d be irritable and quiet – not exactly the way to be if you are looking to connect with people.

So I set myself a goal, I’d aim to connect one on one with at least five people and after that I was free to leave. I wasn’t in the business of collecting business cards just to prove I met a ton of people. I am in the business of creating relationships. Networking is about creating relationships not about numbers. Until you have the relationship thing down the numbers don’t matter.

Nothing is more irritating than someone you barely know trying to sell you something. There is no trust yet. Why would you buy what they are selling? Or how about not talking to someone for months and then asking them for job leads. Annoying right?

Whether networking online/in-person being authentic is important.

What I’ve learned over the years:

• Give without expecting anything in return
• Stay in touch. Sure email is great but a quick phone call or handwritten note are great too
• Be genuinely interested in the other person’s goals
• Ask how you can help
• Go early to events
• It’s not about quantity of connections but the quality of them
• Eat before you go so you aren’t hovering over the buffet table
• Bring business cards. Sounds crazy to put that on the list but you’d be surprised at how many times I’ve been with people at an event who didn’t have business cards on them. Even if you are unemployed you still need them. There is the old standby Vistaprint but also consider Moo or Expressionery
• Forward jobs that aren’t a good fit for you to others even if they aren’t actively looking. You never know it might be their dream job
• Know when to move on. Relationships are a two street. If the other person isn’t interested don’t keep trying. It is best to move on to someone who is interested in making a connection. Yes, the rejection will sting but dragging it out is pointless
• Go to events that are outside of your industry. It’s easy to stick with groups and organizations that are about your field.
• Online networking is a good place to start but try to take the connection offline too