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Book Review: The No Asshole Rule

Shelley — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:00:35 +0000

First off the complete title is The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t

I read this book several months ago. It was first published in 2007 by Stanford University professor Dr. Robert I. Sutton. The book grew out an of article he wrote for the Harvard Business Review. The response to the initial article was overwhelming, Dr. Sutton was flooded with correspondence from people who had stories to tell about their experience with working with an “asshole” in the workplace. Not surprising really since we have all at one point worked with or for an “asshole”.

The book is broken down into 7 chapters. The first of which I’ll go into is chapter 1 since it discusses “What Workplace Assholes Do And Why You Know So Many“. According to the author there are two tests you should use in order to identify if you are in fact dealing with an “asshole”.

Test One: After talking to the alleged asshole, does the “target” feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled? In particular, does the target feel worse about him- or herself?

Test Two: Does the alleged asshole aim his or her venom at people who are less powerful rather than at those who are more powerful?

At one time or another I’m sure we’ve all had to deal with individuals who fit these criteria and not just at work.

What the author calls the “dirty dozen” – the weapons an “asshole” uses is quite interesting because I’m sure at one point we have all committed one of these 12 behaviors. No one is immune to being an “asshole” on occasion. Or as the author prefers to call a “temporary asshole”. It’s the frequency and degree of the behavior that is a problem. This is when someone enters the “certified asshole” arena.

The Dirty Dozen
Common Everyday Actions that Assholes Use

Personal Insults

Invading one’s “personal territory”

Uninvited physical contact

Threats and intimidation, both verbal and non-verbal

“Sarcastic jokes” and “teasing” used as insult delivery systems

Withering email flames

Status slaps intended to humiliate the victims

Public shaming or “status degradation” rituals

Rude interruptions

Two-faced attacks

Dirty looks

Treating people as if they are invisible

The author doesn’t advocate for a conflict free environment but rather one where demeaning others isn’t the status quo. Aggression and bullying in the workplace happens so we need to know how to handle it.

The book is well balanced in that it covers not only how to identify “asshole” behavior but how it impacts both the person being demeaning as well as the “asshole” dishing out the behavior. Both people suffer in different ways. One might have their spirit broken while the other might experience career/relationship setbacks as a result of their behavior.

Many organizations enforce the no asshole rule, but some do it with a lot more zeal than others. In most places, certified assholes are tolerated, but up to a point. People can get away with being run-of-the-mill jerks and might even score kudos and cash as a result. The rule is applied, but only to flaming assholes, who are punished, “reeducated”, and then expelled if less dramatic measures fail. The imaginary line between an ordinary and a flaming asshole depends on local quirks and customs. An “über jerk” might be crowned after costing the organization a fortune, driving coworkers to the edge of madness, creating horrific PR problems, or exposing the organization to massive legal risküeven though hordes of ordinary jerks continue to get off scot-free – Dr. Robert I. Sutton

I love that the author not only covers organizations, customer/client behavior but also how to deal with our own “Inner Jerk”.

Admitting you’re an asshole is the first step – Dr. Robert I. Sutton. In a nutshell to avoid being or becoming an asshole yourself you need to examine your past and current behavior…know thyself.

Book Review: Overcoming Underearning

Shelley — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 13:00:41 +0000

It is no secret that when it comes to wages that women on average make less than men doing the same job. Back in my programmer days I once worked for a company where my salary was several thousand dollars less than a man who had less experience that I did. I actually used to help this man debug his code on a regular basis. He was pretty frank about being clueless. This post isn’t about man-bashing…so relax…

Since the Equal Pay Act was signed in 1963, the wage gap has been closing at a very slow rate. In 1963, women who worked full-time, year-round made 59 cents on average for every dollar earned by men. In 2009, women earned 77 cents to men’s dollar. That means that the wage gap has narrowed by less than half a cent per year!

A recent White House reports notes that women’s gains in education and increased participation in the labor force have not yet translated into wage and income equity; at all levels of education, women earned about 75 percent of what their male counterparts earned in 2009.

It would be easy to say that all the blame lies with men. But that would be over-simplifying the issue. It certainly isn’t only an issue that applies exclusively to women either. Underearning is a disease. You can blame the recession if you want but there are a lot of well-known businesses that have started in recessions and are still around today for example Trader Joes, FedEx, GE and Hyatt. Or you can say there are no jobs but I know a lot of people who have thrived not starved in the current economic downturn.

If you’ve never heard of Barbara Stanny, she’s the daughter of the “R” of H&R Block. That alone would make you assume she knew alot about money but she didn’t. Check out her financial journey on her website.

I heard about her book – Overcoming Underearning®: A Five-Step Plan to a Richer Life from a friend about a year and half ago. I’m a book junkie and I will consume any knowledge necessary to get me to where I want to go. I’ve read A LOT of books on personal finance but besides Women & Money and Secrets of the Millionaire Mind I’d have to say this book like no other reminds me that money like any relationship is a mind game. If you think you don’t deserve it or have negative beliefs about something odds are good that you will live into that story.

Until I really believed I deserved what I was asking for in salary I didn’t get it. I started saying “no” to jobs when I didn’t have prospects and usually a job that paid better would come along as soon as I let go of the crappy opportunity. And when I did say “yes” to jobs that didn’t feel right I usually paid the price in the health department.

Underearning has little to do with the amount of money you make. But it has everything to do with your attitude. An underearner is anyone who earn less than she needs or desire despite her efforts to do otherwise. – Barbara Stanny

Barbara’s book is broken down into three sections:

Getting Started – illustrates how to use the book in order to get maximum impact and help you figure out what your barriers are to earning what you desire
Taking the Steps – covers the 5 steps that are needed to overcome underearning
Ensuring Success – helps you create a plan for continued success and how to track your progress

Overcoming Underearning is a doing book. If you just read it you will not get much out of it. Don’t borrow it from the library either. You want to be able to go back over the exercises to see how much you’ve changed!

The reason most people don’t make what they should isn’t because they aren’t capable of doing so. It’s because they don’t truly believe they deserve it.

One of my favorite quotes says it best…

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…” – A Return to Love

Being broke isn’t fun….people who say they don’t care about money usually are broke. Stop dimming your light, get out of your own way and go make some money. For no other reason than you deserve it!

Hello 2011! Goodbye 2010. Thanks for the memories.

Shelley — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 13:00:56 +0000

Begin the journey into the promises of 2011. Here are some quotes to help ring in your New Year with style.

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. ~ Helen Keller
If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else. ~ Yogi Berra
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. ~ John Burroughs
We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day. ~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce
We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential. ~ Ellen Goodman

Also here are some books to help put a new spin on 2011:

My top 5 Books for 2010

Shelley — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 09:00:58 +0000

The books I couldn’t put down in 2010

Self-Promotion for Introverts: The Quiet Guide to Getting Ahead by Nancy Ancowitz – as an introvert this book has been a great reference and affirmation for what works for me and what doesn’t when it comes to promoting myself. I learned I was already doing alot to honor my own style. Not necessarily the way an extrovert would but one that works for me. I wrote several posts about my experiences with Nancy both as an instructor for self-promotion and presentation skills for introverts.
Below are the posts: –
Follow her on Twitter for Self-Promotion for Introverts® tips – @NancyAncowitz
The Female Brain by Louann Brizendin – in my post “What makes women unique? “The Female Brain” reveals many secrets.” I discussed what I learned from reading this book. It’s funny as a woman you’d mistakenly think you know everything about your brain but there is a lot that science can teach about why and how we do the things we do. This book answers some of those questions.
Trust Agents: Using the Web to Build Influence, Improve Reputation, and Earn Trust by Chris Brogan and Julien Smith – a solid overview of social media and why it’s more about relationship building than the tools you use.
Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow by Elizabeth Lesser – Sharon Salzberg, is one of America’s leading insight meditation teachers and spirituality writers said it best when she said that the book

“bravely and beautifully explores one of the most compelling questions of life: How do we emerge from suffering and challenge with real, encompassing wisdom and love? Broken Open is personal, pragmatic, and enlightening.”

Broken Open presents some great questions to ponder: Do we give-up when bad things happen? Stay angry forever? Or learn and grow from the experience. The book is filled with stories. Yes, some tragic but how the individuals or families chose to live in spite of what happened is a testimony to what the human spirit can achieve. We can’t choose what fate throws at us but we can choose our reaction to it. One doesn’t have to live with the “why me” syndrome. Be like a Phoenix and rise from the ashes. Shit happens regardless of our best intentions.
Unfolding the Napkin: The Hands-On Method for Solving Complex Problems with Simple Pictures by Dan Roam the follow-up to The Back of the Napkin: Solving Problems and Selling Ideas with Pictures is a great book to learn how to solve problems visually. It is a workshop in a book. You just have to spend the time doing the exercises. Even if you think can’t draw it doesn’t matter. I plan to re-read both of Dan’s books in 2011 just to reinforce what I learned.

It’s no secret I read a lot. I have run out of space on my bookshelf at home. The next step is to go digital I suppose but I think I would miss the feel and smell of the real thing. I probably only read about 5% fiction books. In 2010, I only read 3 – The Host: A Novel by Stephanie Meyer, An Echo in the Bone: A Novel (Outlander) by Diana Gabaldon and Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga) by Stephanie Meyer (The movie adaptation will probably suck given it’s PG 13 rating. As my 1st and only Twilight book it was better than expected).

What’s on my reading list for 2011

The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t
Idea Mapping: How to Access Your Hidden Brain Power, Learn Faster, Remember More, and Achieve Success in Business
Buyology: Truth and Lies About Why We Buy
Iconoclast: A Neuroscientist Reveals How to Think Differently
How We Decide
Under Her Skin: How Girls Experience Race in America (Live Girls)
Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard
What’s Your Story? Storytelling to Move Markets, Audiences, People, and Brands
The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life

So what’s your top 5 books for 2010? Knowing myself as I do, my reading list will definitely get longer. Happy reading!

What makes women unique? “The Female Brain” reveals many secrets.

Shelley — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 00:07:57 +0000

The Female Brain written by Louann Brizendine was full of information that I found surprising and inspiring. One would think a book about the female brain a waste of time to read by a woman but in fact the opposite is true. I learned a lot about how my brain is different from the male brain for instance.

The author discusses the female brain from gestation through old age. It’s amazing how much can change over the course of a life time. This book definitely affected how I think about design especially as it pertains to children and adults. It brought up a lot of questions. What appeals to girls at various stages of development? What do women desire in relationships with men and women regardless of sexual orientation? How does sexual orientation manifest in women and when? All interesting questions. What impact does pregnancy, child-birth and parenthood have on a woman’s brain? How does “falling in love” affect the brain and the choices we make? How do we learn?

I believe this is a book that everyone should read regardless of gender. If you are a man it will give you some insight into the opposite sex and if you are a woman it will give you some insight into why you or your children do the things that they do.

If you design for females of any age I think you should read this book. The things you will learn will have an impact on how you think about design and what you give to your audience.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Shelley — Thu, 20 May 2010 23:36:22 +0000

I recently finished reading Emotional Intelligence 2.0. The authors claim that emotional intelligence is more of an indicator of success than IQ. The book has a test you can take to determine your emotional intelligence. The results are grouped into two different categories 1) Personal Competence – Self Awareness + Self Management and 2) Social Competence – Social Awareness + Relationship Management. Once you’ve taken the test you can get tips on how to improve the areas where you received a low score.

The book is worth a look if you are interested in the topic of Emotional Intelligence but also read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. You can never know too much about how your feelings and emotions and those of others impact your success or failure in business and in life.

Give these books as holiday presents this year

Shelley — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 06:10:00 +0000

With the holiday season upon us, knowing what to give as a gift is on everyone’s minds. I have a few suggestions to make gift selection easier.

With Trust Agents: Using the Web to Build Influence, Improve Reputation, and Earn Trust you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to be successful in social media. Considering how hot social media became this year even if it’s just to get a better understanding of what’s going on this book is a must read.
Six Pixels of Separation: Everyone Is Connected. Connect Your Business to Everyone. is another great book about social media with tools and tips on how to get the most out of this emerging space
A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future lets us know why right brain thinkers are the best thing since sliced bread. We need to be ready when right brain thinking becomes the way of the future and this book outlines it in easy to read manner. We follow the author as he takes tests and talks about what he learns about how the brain works and why it matters in today’s business world.
Unclutter Your Life in One Week is a step by step guide to de-clutter your life. What a better way to begin 2010 than to get rid of all the crap you don’t need. This book outlines how to go about doing just that in an easy to follow way. There is even a website Unclutterer.com if you need more tips.

I hope these recommendations make finding a present easier or maybe you could decide to get one of these books for yourself. Happy Holidays!

Love is the Killer App

Shelley — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:32:00 +0000

In the book Love is the Killer App – How to win business and influence friends by Tim Sanders talks about about what it takes to be a lovecat. A lovecat is someone who isn’t afraid to be a nice person a.k.a a great human being and still be successful.

Being a lovecat isn’t just about being nice. A lovecat consists of knowledge, network and compassion.

Offer your wisdom freely. Give away your address book to everyone who wants it. And always be human.

The 10 must read books for aspiring lovecats are:

The Experience Economy
Corporate Religion
The Inventor’s Dilemma
What the CEO wants you to know
The Tipping Point
The Circle of Innovation
The Art of Happiness
Love
Simplicity
Leading the Revolution

Being a lovecat isn’t easy but what is the alternative?

Join the “Think Big Revolution”

Shelley — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 04:16:00 +0000

The “Think Big Revolution” is all about thinking bigger about who you are and what you have to offer the world. Michael Port is the author of “The Think Big Manifesto” and a well known small business coach and speaker.

I took Michael Port’s 15 week small business coaching class in 2006. I was just starting out in the freelance world having done a few small gig here and there along with teaching. I had no idea who Michael was before I signed up for his course at the Learning Annex. It was the best hour of advice on small business I’d heard in ions. I signed up for his 15 week class that night.

One of the most important things I learned from Michael’s course it to be true to yourself and the path to your success will unfold. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to DO the work. You do.

When starting something entirely new. Remember all new ideas are subject to ridicule. Do it anyway. You will learn something either way. Being afraid of failure or success just keeps you in a rut. Who needs that!

Most people who are afraid…are usually afraid of what other people will think. What other people think is none of your business.

Throughout history, small thoughts have stood in opposition to big thoughts. The church reviled Galileo. The world is flat right? Darwin was disbelieved in his time. We couldn’t be descended from apes, could we?

– The Think Big Revolution by Michael Port with Mina Samuels

So what is thinking big all about?

Thinking big is means transcending our small thoughts. I’m not smart enough; I can’t risk my secure job on some flimflam dream; my parents [spouse, children, friends] won’t approve; people will think I’m crazy; nobody will like me anymore; I don’t have the time; I don’t have the energy; I can’t make a difference, I’m only one person; I don’t …; I can’t …;

– The Think Big Revolution by Michael Port with Mina Samuels

Create your own revolution or join Michael’s but either way rock it out. Your best life is waiting…

Follow Michael on Twitter - @michaelport.

How to “Ignore Everybody”

Shelley — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:59:00 +0000

I recently attended a showing of Hugh MacLeod’s work at a bar in New York. I had never heard of Hugh until I started using Twitter six months ago. But every since I have been a big fan of his work. If you’ve visited my site at all you’ve seen that I’ve installed his gapingvoid.com widget.

I finished reading Hugh’s book a few days ago. It’s been in my pile of “to-read” books for awhile now but I got through it in two hours. It was a great read and I highly recommend it to any one with a new idea or a creative person who doubts their abilities.

The following quote is one of many that are interspersed through Ignore Everybody: and 39 Other Keys to Creativity

Great ideas alter the power balance in relationships. That’s why good ideas are always initially resisted.

According to Hugh the book condenses as follows

Work hard
Keep at it
Live Simply and Quietly
Remain humble
Stay positive
Create your own luck
Be nice
Be polite

His advice as he mentions “isn’t rocket science” so why not give it a whirl. I got a chance to chat briefly with Hugh at the event in New York and he was nice, very gracious and even asked how the widget was working on my site. Fame doesn’t seem to have gotten to his head and over a million downloads of the manifesto that lead to his book deal don’t seem to have made him a prima donna. We should all be so lucky when we achieve success.

Follow him on Twitter @gapingvoid