Self promotion is a conversation.

It is not about someone tell anyone in earshot how great you are but never listening to the other person. My favorite forms of self promotion are teaching, blogging & microblogging, email newsletters and the occasional networking event.

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(c) iStockPhoto/iqoncept

I used to absolutely HATE networking. I would avoid it like the plague. But back in 2004 I changed my mind about networking. I changed the way I thought about networking so it changed the way I behaved when I decided to go to an event. I was working exclusively at home at the time.

I decided to figure out what about networking I didn’t like. I hated the small talk. The attempt to talk to a large amount of people and get a bunch of business cards. 90% of whom I never reached out to after the event. Pointless right? The whole reason to go to a networking event is to MEET people. So why wasn’t I following up? Or meeting people with whom I had any chemistry?

Well for starters I wasn’t honoring the fact that I’m an introvert and I was attending too many events. Which guaranteed I’d fail. Why? Well I was brain dead by the time I got to my third event of the week. Who can focus much less carry on a conversation when just being in the room is driving you nuts because you need some quiet.

I started to be more picky about which events I attended. I also gave myself permission to leave early if I felt like it. Why force myself to stay when I’m not enjoying myself? I’d be irritable and quiet – not exactly the way to be if you are looking to connect with people.

So I set myself a goal, I’d aim to connect one on one with at least five people and after that I was free to leave. I wasn’t in the business of collecting business cards just to prove I met a ton of people. I am in the business of creating relationships. Networking is about creating relationships not about numbers. Until you have the relationship thing down the numbers don’t matter.

Nothing is more irritating than someone you barely know trying to sell you something. There is no trust yet. Why would you buy what they are selling? Or how about not talking to someone for months and then asking them for job leads. Annoying right?

Whether networking online/in-person being authentic is important.

What I’ve learned over the years:

• Give without expecting anything in return
• Stay in touch. Sure email is great but a quick phone call or handwritten note are great too
• Be genuinely interested in the other person’s goals
• Ask how you can help
• Go early to events
• It’s not about quantity of connections but the quality of them
• Eat before you go so you aren’t hovering over the buffet table
• Bring business cards. Sounds crazy to put that on the list but you’d be surprised at how many times I’ve been with people at an event who didn’t have business cards on them. Even if you are unemployed you still need them. There is the old standby Vistaprint but also consider Moo or Expressionery
• Forward jobs that aren’t a good fit for you to others even if they aren’t actively looking. You never know it might be their dream job
• Know when to move on. Relationships are a two street. If the other person isn’t interested don’t keep trying. It is best to move on to someone who is interested in making a connection. Yes, the rejection will sting but dragging it out is pointless
• Go to events that are outside of your industry. It’s easy to stick with groups and organizations that are about your field.
• Online networking is a good place to start but try to take the connection offline too

In the book Love is the Killer App – How to win business and influence friends by  Tim Sanders talks about about what it takes to be a lovecat. A lovecat is someone who isn’t afraid to be a nice person a.k.a a great human being and still be successful.

Being a lovecat isn’t just about being nice. A lovecat consists of  knowledge, network and compassion.

Offer your wisdom freely. Give away your address book to everyone who wants it. And always be human.

The 10 must read books for aspiring lovecats are:

1. The Experience Economy
2. Corporate Religion
3. The Inventor’s Dilemma
4. What the CEO wants you to know
5. The Tipping Point
6. The Circle of Innovation
7. The Art of Happiness
8. Love
9. Simplicity
10. Leading the Revolution

Being a lovecat isn’t easy but what is the alternative?

Yesterday, I attended Step Up New York’s Power Breakfast featuring Karen Rose. Mrs. Rose is a business consultant, a director of Maidenform Brands, Inc. and serves as its chairman of the board, chairman of its audit committee and is a member of its compensation committee and nominating and governance committee. The Power Breakfast was held at Maidenform on Madison Ave and we were all treated to a lovely breakfast and we were told we would be receiving a gift from the company.

Before she began her talk Mrs. Rose wanted know what the participants wanted to learn from her. There were a wide variety of questions but the most asked about questions were about how to achieve work/life balance, creating change at work how to get on boards, mentoring and how she felt she had achieved her success.

Work/Life balance will always be a constant struggle and you will have to adjust as you move ahead in your career based on what is most important to you at the time. If you have kids do want is right for you. You will feel guilty regardless so accept it and move on.

Have a mentor and being  mentored are great ways to learn and grow in your profession and as a person.

Change can happen from the bottom up but you need to have an advocate at least in the middle who has influence with the people who can make a difference.

A lot of people also wanted to know about branding. Mrs. Rose wasn’t afraid to say that wasn’t her area of expertise. She did say that being yourself was important and that being genuine would get you further along in business than being a fake. She also attributed a lot of her success to luck and circumstances.

It sounds like Mrs. Rose has a family that supports her in what she chooses to do and this has allowed her to achieve both personal and professional success.

Download the Karen Rose_PowerBreakfast mind map.